The beginnings of a dire resolution

It's 3:something in the morning and I'm wide awake... like I have been for the past seven years of my life. I'm an insomniac. If this continues, I'll become a maniac. The minute I lie down, my mind begins to race... not just through the day, but through the last 264 or so months of my life. Sleep aids? Been there... done that. They konk me out for about two hours, and then I'm wide awake again. I try counting sheep, but my thoughts interrupt and I lose count. Suppose I do finally pause the reels in my head... my body won't lie still. There's medication for that, too, isn't there? I just discovered, while listening to late night commercials in an attempt to numb my mind, that I have restless leg syndrome... and probably thousands of other defects that can now be temporarily reduced with sedatives.

So this is my alternative. It's a slightly disturbing alternative, considering the fact that anyone, including my perverted, watchful, newly-imported neighbors, could be reading this (although, they wouldn't understand a word of it.) I just don't find manual writing to be appealing anymore. This is 2008, after all.

I am terribly frugal, (and invincible), thus I don't have health insurance. So I haven't visited a sleep doctor or a psychotherapist. I'm sure that if I did, however, they would prescribe a journal. So here I am, having not wasted my money on those words of advice, broadcasting my insomnia-driven thoughts to the world.

This isn't completely therapy-driven. My sis inspired me, I suppose. Monkey see, monkey do. What do you expect? She's been so blessed with a wonderful life, with an amazing husband, and now with my precious little oompa loompa niece/nephew. She must have done something right.

I think I'm a little too wild and rebellious to land the kind of life I really want, so I'm trying to tone it down a notch and become "marriable". In my mind, Kara defines that. She cooks, cleans, decorates, raises chickens (and ducks), creates babies, scrapbooks, gardens, etc. I have a long journey ahead of me, but I'm taking baby steps. Unfortunately, there is that one baby step I'm simply incabable of taking... Earth shoes. I just cannot get past it.

I think I'm finally nodding off.

Goodnight, my creepy little neighbors.
Buonas noches, mis vecinos asustadizos.